Potential over protection: The secret to setting boundaries at work

‘Boundaries’ is one of many therapy-speak buzzwords currently dominating conversations about how to lead a healthy life – and for good reason.

In a nutshell, boundaries establish how you do and do not want to be treated. They are the foundation upon which you build fulfilling and respectful relationships, as well as one of the most effective ways you can practise self-care.

Knowing what your limits are and how to enforce them is incredibly important in both personal and professional contexts. If you imagine your holistic well-being as a field of grass, boundaries are the things that keep that grass green. This doesn’t mean nobody is ever allowed to tread on the grass, or pick a dandelion, but more about providing critical protection.

While most of us are aware of our boundaries, we may struggle to articulate and apply them, largely because they only become abundantly clear after they’ve been breached. For example, you might only realise you need to be alone during lunch breaks to properly take your mind off work once you’re already chatting with a colleague over sushi.

It’s a catch-22. Having your boundaries infringed upon allows you to know exactly what makes you uncomfortable but it also means you’re more likely to let it happen again. One lunch break spent working through can easily turn into two, and before you know it lunch breaks aren’t really ‘breaks’ anymore.

Personal brand strategist Kath Clarke says knowing your vision and values is critical

And so, in setting our dividing line we accept that others will need to walk across the grass occasionally. You are sometimes going to need to work through your lunch break. Perhaps you might be up against a tight deadline. Or perhaps you’ve had a distracted week and fallen behind on something you know needs your undivided attention.

Moving beyond your own limits from time to time is reasonable and necessary. So instead of trying to build impenetrable barriers, we should strive to map out flexible ones.

Remaining open-minded is central to setting boundaries that stick, according to Personal Brand Strategist Kath Clarke. She says that staying open minded means figuring out what drives you to set those dividing lines in the first place.

“When you’re constantly defending yourself, there’s no light in that,” Clarke told FW. “When you really know who you are, what your values are, what your strengths are and what your uniqueness is, you’re inspired by that.”

You can’t care for an entire field of grass by yourself. You can’t refuse entry to every other soul. The delights of that grass should be shared from time to time. But, if you know which patches matter most, you can ensure those areas flourish, that they aren’t walked upon too often or too heavily. These sacred patches are the best place to start establishing your limits.

“Whether it’s personal or professional, identifying where the common value and the common outcome is the place to start the conversation from.”

It can be difficult to set boundaries when you aren’t able to create the environment you work in and actively change it whenever necessary. Most of us work in spaces or with people where our work style and approach lies outside our total control.

However, clarifying mutual expectations from the people you work with, and from the outset, goes a long way.

“Step one would be doing some reflection and working out what your values are, and what your vision is,” said Clarke. “Step two is looking at the other person and working out what their vision and values are, or at least having the conversation with them around that.”

When it comes to enforcing your barriers, knowing where your interests align with others is crucial. Overlapping values and convergent visions make you better equipped to communicate what your bounds are, why you have them and how you would like the people you work with to navigate them. Collaboration is key if you want to keep larger areas of your grass green.

Clarke also advises against taking an all-or-nothing approach when having those conversations about limits.

“People think that if they’re saying no to something, they’re taking [something] away from people, whereas they could actually be giving to them,” Clarke explained. “Approach it from the energy of, ‘Let’s create opportunities here to say ‘yes’, rather than opportunities to say ‘no’.”

Instead of viewing your boundaries as barriers that prevent people from ever walking on your grass, try to think of them as stepping stones. Stepping stones that you can carefully place to guide people around the patches of grass that you care most about. If you are willing to create those paths, then most people will stick close to them. Some might even sprinkle water or fertiliser along the way to show their thanks.

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