Dr Sullivan thought an abusive client had changed. He hadn’t.

Dr Brian Sullivan still remembers the man who duped his men’s behaviour change group into thinking he’d changed. He was tall, good-looking, very articulate, and very intelligent.

“This guy was like the poster boy of our group and of the whole program,” said Dr Sullivan, who has been facilitating men’s behaviour change programs for almost 25 years and has worked with thousands of men who use violence.

“[He] became a spokesman for the group, became a leader. [He] was encouraging other men to get involved, telling me what I wanted to hear. ‘Brian, why haven’t I been taught this before? What you said then is just so meaningful for me, it’s really getting through.’”

Dr Sullivan was thrilled he was making such a difference. And then the penny dropped.

“We found out at our next risk assessment meeting from the woman’s advocate that his partner was actually telling the woman’s advocate, he was leaving [the] group and directly abusing her for him having to come to group – physically, verbally, psychologically,” the Chief Executive Officer of the Red Rose Foundation told FW’s There’s No Place Like Home podcast.

Their poster boy was a liar. He hadn’t changed at all. But there is an upside: his discovery is a sign that the system is working how it should. When men who use violence are in these groups, their partners or former partners are supported by an advocate to ensure that the abuse isn’t escalating.

“If they’re not in a position where they’re willing to accept responsibility for their decisions, and their behaviour, then ultimately they’re not suitable for a group program.”

Dr Sullivan says it’s a reminder of how important it is to have skilled facilitators in this work and a reminder that there is no one way to spot a perpetrator. That’s why domestic and family abuse is so insidious.

“These men, some of them anyway, are so skilled at telling you what you want to hear at image management, and using the language of the program, that they can look on the surface, as if they’re doing the work,” he said.

Phillip Ripper is the Chief Executive Officer of No to Violence and he says for group therapy, comprehensive screening is crucial.

“A really comprehensive assessment of men before they enter a group program is really critically important. Some men are just not suitable for a behaviour change program,” he said.

“If they’re not in a position where they’re willing to accept responsibility for their decisions, and their behaviour, then ultimately they’re not suitable for a group program.”

Dr Sullivan knows there will be others like this man – but he knows there will also be others who want to change.

“One thing I really try to reinforce with men is that this program is not punishment, it’s [an] opportunity. You’re free to take this opportunity or not. But you’ve got to know that there’s consequences if you don’t take this opportunity, jail being one of them.”