The question victim-survivors like me are tired of being asked

“Why didn’t you just leave?”

It’s a question every survivor of domestic abuse is familiar with. Sometimes it’s asked directly; other times, it lingers in the form of confused, judgmental looks when victim survivors share their experiences. 

This question—and the assumption that a survivor can simply exit a violent and abusive relationship—also exists within the systems and services that fail to support survivors in rebuilding their lives after experiencing domestic abuse. These very systems are often used as weapons for perpetrators to continue abuse long after the ending of a relationship. 

Societal and systemic failures add to the injustices faced by victim survivors seeking safety, healing and a new life after abuse.

Post-separation abuse is the continued pattern of control, harassment and manipulation that occurs after a survivor has left an abusive relationship. It can take many forms including stalking, threats, and the use of children or legal systems to maintain power and control over the victim. This form of abuse is particularly dangerous because it often goes unrecognised and underestimated, leading to a false belief that exiting the relationship automatically ensures safety. 

In reality, leaving an abuser is often just the beginning of a new, more covert form of violence that can exist for many years, halting any form of justice and recovery.

I’m tired of the question, “Why didn’t you just leave?” 

It shows a lack of understanding about how perpetrators entrap their victims. It minimises the complexities of abuse and fails to recognise the psychological, emotional,and physical toll it takes on someone to leave an abuser. It’s not as simple as walking away; it’s about survival, and sometimes, staying is our form of survival. 

I stayed because I feared for my life, for my child’s safety – and because I felt I had no other option. Leaving was not the end of the abuse; it was a shift in how the abuse manifested. This is why we need to shift the conversation from asking survivors why they didn’t leave to understanding the systems of power that keep them trapped—and why their strength lies not in leaving, but in surviving.

There’s No Place Like Home season three will explore not just the question of “Why didn’t you just leave?” but also dive deeper into why, for some victim-survivors, leaving was more dangerous and staying was a choice made for safety. 

This season interrogates how and why perpetrators continue to abuse long after the relationship ends. It also examines the societal and systemic ways we are enabling post-separation abuse. Shifting the conversation from the judgment of survivors to a focus on the perpetrator’s behaviour will challenge harmful myths surrounding abuse—and highlight the systemic changes needed to protect survivors.

There’s No Place Like Home centres the experiences of victim-survivors and, in doing so, offers a deeper understanding of domestic abuse and the solutions that truly support this group. 

These stories will break your heart, yet they are also filled with hope. There is nothing stronger than the spirit of a survivor. 

There’s No Place Like Home offers an opportunity to hear our stories, confront uncomfortable truths and honour our power. Listening is not just an act of empathy; it can be an act of justice. 

It’s time to shift the narrative and, more importantly, shift our actions toward creating a world where perpetrators are held accountable and survivors are truly believed, supported and protected. Preventing violence and creating a world free from harm depends on it.