Menopause to meticulous prioritisation: How to navigate the messy reality

Australia’s leadership gender gap can only be addressed if the physical and emotional wellbeing of women is part of the conversation.

This was one of the key messages from a panel discussion at the 2023 Future Women Leadership Summit on the topic of navigating the calm and the chaos of the everyday.

“We’ve got to really look at what’s happening in a woman’s physical and emotional wellbeing that’s causing her to not go forward and take those leadership roles,” Dr Fatima Khan, a menopause specialist said.

“I frequently see a lot of executives or even CEOs who have taken the backseat and not taken those promotions because of a huge lack of awareness and lack of education and on top of that a lack of support.”

Dr Khan said the absence of the support and knowledge for perimenopause and menopause was at the community, the workplace and healthcare professional level.

“Perimenopause, and menopause specifically, have been underfunded and under researched for decades,” she said.

This has led to misunderstandings that menopause is just about “hot flushes”.  Yet, in reality, women in high-powered roles, many with families, who are menopausal are struggling professionally.

“I think we just think menopause is hot flushes and night sweats, but it’s not,” she said. 

“Ninety-percent of the symptoms start in the brain and they start with anxiety and depression and brain fog and you feel like you’ve got dementia.”

She said it was important to recognise the symptoms and offer women support. Without these steps, more highly experienced female workers will be lost to early retirement.

“We are losing a huge, very experienced workforce that the economy can’t afford to lose,” she said.

“I think it’s about stepping back and saying, ‘Do I want it all?’ and being really vicious with your prioritisation.”

Fellow panelist Stephanie Trethewey addressed the challenges of balancing leadership and motherhood while “living in chaos”.

“I don’t think I’m managing chaos, I think it’s managing me. But what I have learnt, and what I think everyone in this room needs to learn, is we need to be more selfish,” Trethewey, the founder and CEO of Motherland, said.

“I think as women we are fed this idea that self-sacrifice is where we need to be in life. That the more we give to others, the more we give to our children, our partners, that we’re elevated on this pedestal that we’re the perfect mother or the perfect woman.”

She revealed she fell into that cycle while juggling a career as a broadcast journalist, swapping the city for life on the land and motherhood.

“I’m trying to unlearn a lot of those behaviours and put myself first,” she said. 

“When it is chaos I try to make decisions with work that if it’s not going to move the dial in 12 months, if it’s not going to matter in 12 months, can I let it go?”

She said putting yourself first might sound obvious. It might be just 10 minutes a day.

“For me, I get triggered if an email pops up and I feel the need to invest in that straight away, but it’s letting go of those things and realising that no one is going to save you,” she said.

“That’s been the biggest lesson of my life… I spent so long playing victim when things went wrong at work, when things went wrong at home, waiting for something to change. It’s no one’s responsibility to save you.”

Rebecca Haagsma, chief product officer with Nine Entertainment, admitted she hasn’t found “a great way of putting myself first”.

“I find that I do go into a real victim state when I’m not prioritising myself and then I blame everyone else for it,” Haagsma, a mother-of-five and grandmother-of-three, said.

“Definitely as life has become busier, [but] it’s always been pretty busy. My daughter will often say to me, ‘Mum, did you want to walk the kids to childcare today?’ and of course I want to walk the kids to childcare with the dog. 

“I want to do that everyday, but I also love what I do for a job and I’m proud of the role that I’m going to be able to play in the organisation that I work for. 

“So what’s the answer to that question?”

Dr Khan offered some advice on navigating chaotic times. It centred on finding purpose.

“I think it’s about stepping back and saying ‘Do I want it all?’ and being really vicious with your prioritisation,” she said.

“Saying, ‘Actually, I can let this one go and not feel guilty about it?’ So if you miss a school pick up or drop off that’s okay.

“But I think the driving force has to be purpose and passion and I think if you’ve got something to look forward to, that could be family, but it doesn’t have to be family… I think that’s what helps with the chaos and the busyness.”

For more from the Future Women Leadership Summit 2023, read how our biggest failures can often lead to the greatest opportunities. 

PHOTOGRAPHER: MARK BROOME