You Always Change The Love Of Your Life (For Another Love Or Another Life)

“As the great existential philosopher, Cher, once postulated, ‘Do you believe in life after love?’ In my own personal experience, after my breakup, my answer was a resounding NO. Everything I had ever believed about love had just been demolished. My struggles had been in vain. My disillusionment was just as complete. Not only was it hard to reinvent myself and rebuild my life, but I had also become a complete and total cynic. ‘Love doesn’t exist’ was my life’s motto for quite some time. I would devote myself to renouncing love forever and finding unconditional love in a Burnese mountain dog puppy I would name Cindy after Cindy Crawford. Cindy was never going to betray me, she would be happy to see me every single day of her life, she wouldn’t complain if I didn’t wash the dishes, she wouldn’t leave me for my ex’s ex, and she wouldn’t say things like, ‘It’s been a while since you posted a picture of me on Instagram…that must mean you don’t love me anymore.’ But life has its ways, and a Bernese mountain dog wouldn’t fit in my house anyway. So, still carrying a world of fear on my shoulders, I came to realise that I wasn’t looking for a Cindy but a new – and healthier – love.

“Emotional availability should function like a trip in every sense of the word. You need to open yourself up to new experiences, be willing to try anything (or almost anything), leave your fears behind, and above all else… just let yourself be free. I don’t know who said love isn’t a destination, it’s a journey (it was probably Aerosmith or astrologer Susan Miller or maybe I just made it up myself), but anyway, if you’re ready to get back in the love game, using one of these three strategies is a good way to start.”

“In the words of Terry Patchett, ‘Why do you go away? So you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colours. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.’ There’s nothing more therapeutic than a trip. Whether it’s to Bali or your best friend’s house. Travelling helps you get back to yourself, reconnect with what’s important, and remember the little things that make you happy. It’s also good for meeting new people, because who knows, you might just end up meeting the love of your life at a concert or something.”

“This is the part where I say there’s no truth to the expression, ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’. Some lovers are right and some lovers are wrong. You should look at meeting new people as a trip in and of itself: one that could end badly, one that could be short and sweet, or – if the planets align, and if Jesus, Mary and Beyonce bless it – one that could transcend. Exploring new bodies is fine as long as it’s not an excuse for not dealing with the pain, and not a form of escapism.”

“Visiting yourself means trying not to betray yourself and connecting with what makes you, you.”