‘Polite Is Expensive’: How I Stopped Fretting About Weddings And Started Saving

I had always thought of myself as a ‘periphery friend’. I flitted around the edges of friendship groups, making close friends with generally just one person, and rarely ingratiating into a solid clique.

I never really had a pack of girls who were my ride or dies, nor was I particularly well known on any kind of social circuit. I was just around for a wine once and awhile, and good for petrol money on the way to a festival.

So, it came as quite a surprise when a series of beautifully crafted engagement invitations, followed by even more ornate wedding invitations, found their way onto my fridge.

And courtesy of some inbuilt working-class schemas (thanks, Dad), I couldn’t help but begin to take note of just how much money was flowing from my bank account into the bridal registries, group gifts, travel accommodations, new frocks and –last minute, but utterly critical (come on Jess, we’re all doing it!) – teeth whitenings.

And just short of saying: ‘Sorry Amanda, I just can’t come to the post-bridal shower four-course dinner in a hot air balloon, because I need that money to pay for my low quality internet connection’, it’s worth acknowledging that being polite is expensive.

So here are some observations I’ve made that may help the hip pocket, while you’re trying not to calculate the cost of the flowers.

Disclaimer: I’m also very aware this topic is particularly touchy, so I’m also claiming a level of ignorance and, in my defence, I’m from Queensland.

A Cute, Heartfelt Gift Goes A Long Way

I absolutely understand a gift registry is an efficient, helpful idea for people setting up a house – or even to just democratise the whole gift-giving process.

But the speed with which the other guests snap up the more delightful, and cheaper presents, is astonishing.

Every time I get to the registry, I’m left staring at a $140 salad bowl. Or a suite of 12 long-stem champagne glasses that scream ‘car registration money’. Or a silver thing that is either a jewellery case, or an expensive jade egg.

So, I took a leaf out of my thrifty mother’s book and went the heartfelt route. And I bought in bulk.

Because I had four weddings coming up in the first half of the year, I found a lady in Canberra who made cross-stitches of couples. They’re painfully cute. And also were around $70 each.

I stalked the Facebook pages of the engaged couples, saved a bunch of photos and sent them to Tara who designed and then immortalised the couples into soft, pastel cross-stitch, mounted in wooden frames.

My friend Kirsty and Yaman, total festival heads, had shiny sparks and cool outfits. Lucy and Angus, who both play the cello, had their instruments and music notes above their heads. Alix and Ryan, who live in Paris, had some Frenchy things. And Claire and James had their two cats. You get the idea.

They were a real hit! They were definitely more Frankie than Vogue, but they were much cheaper than anything I saw on the registry – and they were cute enough to elicit an ‘awww’ from other wedding guests when asked about my contribution.

I also wrote some heartfelt letters, in continental handwriting on some creamy paper, that outlined my favourite memory of the couple. I gifted these at various engagement parties in lieu of the secondary, or in some cases, third gift opportunity.

Rent The Dress

I actively avoid repeating an outfit around the same group of people, in fact it’s a genuine fear of mine. And a long-term relationship with vintage shopping means I’ve got a wardrobe stuffed with bizarre and beaded frocks. 

But nevertheless, the opportunity to source and buy a new dress for a very good occasion was difficult to ignore, particularly in wedding season. Rarely, in Australia, do we get much of a chance to really dress up and lay it on thick. And since I’ve left journalism to work in tech, the opportunities have dried up so much I’m also guilty of throwing myself outfit parties in my apartment, with wine, just to get some wear out of these clothes. 

Notwithstanding all of that, I doubt I need to tell you, that it’s very easy to sink hundreds of dollars into a new dress for a wedding. So, if you’re trying to save money and have your eyes on some future prize, rent the dress instead. 

Glam Corner, The Volte and My Dress Affair all have pretty decent selections and solid communications platforms, so you can chat with the owner about sizing. 

And, if you want to get philosophical about it, the more we encourage the sharing economy and leverage the latent capacity in our wardrobes, the more we’ll develop the truly efficient and sustainable economic systems that our modern societies so desperately need. 

So rent the dress, save your money and practice a branch of donut economics. All the while remaining polite, yet frugal.

This report contains general advice. It does not take account of your individual objectives, financial situation or needs. You should consider talking to a financial planner before making a financial decision.