Six Women On How They Deal With Seriously Anxious Days

Anxiety and I are well acquainted. Since my formative years, I’ve navigated life with an uncertain feeling in the pit of my stomach and a constant fear that everything is about to go wrong. It’s not all bad. At times, my anxiety has helped me avoid making decisions I’d probably have later regretted, but its presence remains stifling and exhausting on particularly bad days. Anxiety is the never-ending conversation in my mind that can’t be silenced. The constant drive for perfection –and the niggle that says, ‘I’m not quite good enough.’

Sadly I’m not alone. One in eight Australian women have reported experiencing an anxiety-related condition, according to mental health charity, Beyond Blue. That’s thirteen percent, or around 1.5 million, of us. Across the world, that number stands at an estimated 264 million, with women twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.

Like me, regardless of where they call home, these women know all too well how crippling anxiety can be. Especially those mornings when facing the world feels like an uphill struggle. So, what are the techniques they employ to take the edge off? How do they self-care? And have ‘mental health days’ made it easier to admit we need to take some time out?

Here, six women share their coping strategies for making those anxiety-ridden days a little easier to navigate.

‘I Leave My Phone At Home’: Rachel*, 33, Brisbane

“For me, taking a break from my phone is key. Nothing puts me on edge like the constant ping of Whatsapp messages and emails, so on particularly anxious days I’ll just stop interacting. If I’m in the office, that means putting my phone on airplane mode or in my locker. At home, I’ll leave it next to my bed and get outside. That could be to an F45 class, yoga or simply for a walk around the park. Sixty minutes without digital distractions, doing something completely different, grounds me again.”

‘Sundays Are All About Self-Care’: Shannon, 24, London

“Sundays put my high-functioning anxiety into overdrive. It started in my teens, when I spent most Sundays putting off the weekly essay that was due every Monday. I’d wake up sick with stress and, instead of enjoying the last day of the weekend with friends and family, would spend the day procrastinating and working myself into a nervous frenzy. Fast forward 10 years, and my regular Sunday situation is, sadly, not too dissimilar.

“As I grew older, essays became assignments and assignments became work deadlines, unanswered emails, missed targets and office politics. And, just like my secondary school essays, my issues had to be faced on Monday morning whether I liked it or not. By then, society had a name for this feeling: the Sunday fear. It turned out, however, that Sunday fear for most was little more than a late-night panic. For me, Sunday fear started at 11pm on a Saturday night and steadily escalated to physical nausea and panic attacks by the time Sunday night rolled around.

“I’ve discovered it’s really hard to stress about anything when I feel good in my own skin.”

 

“When I went freelance last year, I half-expected my Sunday fear to disappear completely, but that was naive. For as long as the working week begins on a Monday, my Sunday fear will always exist – but I am learning to deal with it. Since becoming my own boss, I’ve learned the importance of giving myself an hour of self-care every Sunday. Whether it’s treating myself to an extravagant bath with all of the oils, or just doing a quick DIY mani/pedi, my Sunday pamper time is when I mentally prepare myself for the week ahead. I focus on my stresses and mentally list the first three things on my Monday morning plan of action. And, while in the past those kind of thoughts would usually send my anxiety levels sky-high, I’ve discovered it’s really hard to stress about anything when I feel good in my own skin.”

‘I Try To Remind Myself That Anxiety Isn’t Reality’: Steph, 31, London

“When my anxiety has a clear source, maybe something in the future, I let myself think about the worst case scenario – and then what I’d actually do about it if it happened. That way I can stop myself from spiralling because I at least feel more prepared. The other thing is I mentally time travel – I literally imagine myself the day or week after, with that stressful event behind me. This reminds me there is an end and an after to the stuff that scares me, which I think I forget sometimes. After all, anxiety isn’t reality.”

‘My Dog Provides A Welcome Escape’: Jess, 27, Melbourne

“Taking my dog Vinnie for a walk and getting some fresh air and a fresh perspective really helps. I also take to rearranging my desk or work space if my anxiety is work-related, or move furniture around and have a big clean if I feel unsettled. If it’s more of a bed-bound anxiety, I’ll watch a TV show that’s set in a different time or world and escape reality that way. I think getting out with Vinnie is the main one and the others help clear my head and distract me.”

‘I’ve Learned That It’s Okay To Say That I’m Not Okay’: Lauren, 36, Brighton

“For a long time I would try and distract myself to make my anxiety go away, but this only ever worked as a temporary fix. My therapist taught me to sit with those uncomfortable feelings instead and be honest with the people around me that I need some time out. So, when I wake up feeling particularly bad, I let my boss know that I’ll be starting work a little later – I’m lucky to work for a company that puts real value on employee mental health – then I’ll either just sit with my thoughts and let them come and go, or write them down and rationalise them by rating the possibility of them happening and the impact that would have out of 10. Often something my brain thinks is a 10 is more like a two in the real world!”

‘I Cut Back On Triggers Like Coffee’: Matilda*, 29, Auckland

“My coping strategies, while not particularly sexy or groundbreaking, tend to consist of all the usual antidotes: an early night, calling my mum or a close friend, and eating and drinking well. I also try to pull back on any ‘triggers’ I have identified over time, like coffee, alcohol, sugar, or too little sleep (all the best things!). But that being said, sometimes even these things won’t help, and my anxiety seems determined to bubble away without rhyme or reason, annoyingly. In those situations, I have to remind myself: this too shall pass. It’s a bit like being caught in a rip – fighting it is futile and only makes things worse.”